Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
