his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
