Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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