OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
