Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
