The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
