if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
