I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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