matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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