I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
