I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
