we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
