My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
