We won't sleep together?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
