Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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