Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
