Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
