Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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