weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
