Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
