Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
