She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
