I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
