his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
