I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
