Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my poor anus
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
