apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
