I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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