Acid is not a monday night drug
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
