if i died would you start the facebook group?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So squirting runs in the family.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
