If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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