Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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