It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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