Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
