Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just google imaged poop.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
