The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
