What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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