I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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