i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
