She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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