My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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