Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
