Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
