I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
