Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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