Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
