It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
