he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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