smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
