I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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