I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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