i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
