like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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