I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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